True story.
So on the evening that my aunt was making out with her extra-marital friend, I had few options but to go make some friends of my own. I can work the charisma when I desire, so I hopped onto a barstool and began chatting up a guy eating a bowl of tater tot hotdish. This seemed like my kind of chat. After a few minutes however, I must have not been acting impressed enough with him. As he actually dropped the line "You don't recognize me, do you?" When I said that I didn't, and asked if he had been a random tryst in grade school, he looked blankly at me for a moment and told me to "use my crappy phone to google him." Since my phone is no prize, I took no offense, but explained that I do not have the internet on my phone. He proceeded to explain how he was a semi-famous stand-up comic, and (as if this weren't already getting boring) actually googled himself on his phone so that I could see just how special he was.
The kicker - I don't remember his name.
Ok - I remember that it wasn't Dane Cook - but the guy reminded me of him because 1) he wasn't funny, and 2) he thought he was a really big deal.
However, it was around this time that I looked to the gentleman on my left and decided he looked like he could use a friend instead. We got to chatting about how we like our steaks, and what we like to drink, and our hobbies - good, standard bar talk. He said I should come over on Monday to grill. I said "That sounds fun." Clearly I was drinking, because I don't recall giving him my number.
However, last night at about 6:00, I got a message from a number I didn't recognize that said "are you coming?" an hour later I got one that said "I picked up ribeyes" about a half hour after that I got a third that said "I cleaned my house" and this was followed up with a "I picked up a bottle of Jameson". I am now feeling absolutely terrible as I realize this gentleman really planned on my coming over. Mortified and embarrassed, I apologized and explained that I had gotten caught up at work. I didn't know what to say. But I now realize that even if he texts in the future, I will not respond. Oh boy - nothing worse than being stood up. But I have to rationalize - who would really believe that someone you meet drunk in a bar who says "that sounds fun" is going to randomly show up to your house two days later to hang out like you're old chums?
But the little burst, the little glimmer of true, unbridled joy that I experienced today, came in the form of a package addressed to my boss that I had the pleasure of opening. Inside was a movie about the Holocaust, as well as a tri-fold pamphlet selling sets of such movies and books. This is not the joyous moment. The joyous moment was completely un-called for on my part. But as I looked at the cover of the tri-fold pamphlet, I was suddenly struck funny... how many people had seen this piece of literature before it had been mailed en masse? How could several people not notice the dual meaning that this brochure seemed to be promising. What goods could you actually buy from this company with a title like the one shown. What did it say in big, bold letters on the front of it: Holocaust Survivors Kit. Wow. If you do not understand that this is something that every Jew should have in the trunk of their car, then you don't understand the joke. How could this be a real thing? I know not, but impressed with how that could slip past people? Oh yes, oh yes I was. Haven't had time to scan in the pic yet, so instead I thought I'd throw this in in its place:
Too soon?
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