So - back to it, then. On Thursday I had my first experience with a tongue fetishist. I was paid $50 to meet him in a parking lot, stick out my tongue a lot, say a few dirty things about my tongue making him hard, and then he took some photos and I went on my way. Uneventful except for the moment at which he licked the saliva off of my chin (which he'd suggested I dribble there in the first place). When I told a friend about it, she responded with a hard laugh and a long-time favorite quote of ours "You've got a purdy mouth." I was in hysterics. How perfectly creepy. It was poetry in motion.
Speaking of "purdy mouths," I finally got to experience my first drag show. I went there with a friend on Friday night, and proceeded to get roaringly obliterated. Apparently, when you order a Jameson/Diet at the 90s, they sometimes forget about the mixer portion. By the end of the evening, my friend had me telling everyone about my new dabbles into softcore fetishism. Everyone thought it was very entertaining, but not quite as entertaining as our dance moves. As a general rule, I do not dance in public unless it is a slow dance, it is at a wedding, and my husband is there. So the fact that I was able to get ragingly bombed and think that my moves were super hot (I still am pretty sure I was dancing better than anyone there - I had some hot moves), was only outdone the next morning when I discovered that my friend's friend who was with us had videotaped our bump & grind session. I still don't have the nerve to look myself up online. I just don't want to know.
As I am recovering from this night of havoc, and really trying to think of if my moves were that bad, I got a call from my favorite aunt (much more like a sister than an aunt - way younger than my mother & used to live with us). She called to say that she was willing to make a two hour trip to come and visit me from my hometown, and wanted to know how I felt about partying with her. My head was still swimming from the night before, but since I so rarely get to spend time with her, I said it would be great. She drove down and we hit a bar. Then her boyfriend came out to join us. She is married. I knew that this guy existed (to my knowledge they have not yet been physical with one another), but that didn't prepare me for the awkwardness that ensued. I felt downright strange. Then, when they left together and I took a cab home alone, I felt even weirder.
Sunday morning I awoke to her returning via cab, and my spouse leaving with his father (oh yeah - did I mention my father in law was staying at our house that evening? And yes - he knows my aunt) to go on a golfing trip. I tipped the cabby, kissed my husband goodbye, and went inside with my aunt to watch The Hangover. Great movie. Douggie doug doug.
Anyway, she took off after that, and I went into the kitchen and was going to make some food. I noticed a check sitting on the plate. She had left me a check for $50 even though she was the one who made the trip, I did not buy her anything while she was here, and she didn't even sleep in my house. I sent her an email this morning saying that there was no reason to leave me a check, and that I had shredded it (which I had).
The only thing I could think of that the money was for? Hush money. Yes, a very discreet way of saying "Keep your purdy mouth closed."
What an interesting weekend.
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