So, I got a designer suit that was intended for my boss, but since my boss so very recently told me that I was frumpy, but that was to be expected because I was so poor, so when we had our at-work garage sale I could go take some free clothing, I got the designer suit instead of my boss. Its beautiful, cute skirt with amazing pleats, houndstooth, matching jacket. I'm not really that poor where I couldn't spring the $20 garage sale price, but I'll let them believe I am if it gets me cute, free, professional designer apparel. Yay me - 1 point!
Then, as I was finishing up at work yesterday, a co-worker came into the office and asked me if I could come with her to drop some supplies off to a family going through a rough time in North Minneapolis, this is a family that my place of employment had decided to help out. I mentioned that since I lived in North Minne, that I would be happy to do the drop off myself. My boss agreed that it was a fine plan and off I went. I showed up at their home, walked in the front door, and immediately made sure to keep my emotions in check.
The house was bare. Completely bare. These people had nothing. It was a woman and her seven children. No furniture, no food, just the clothes on their backs. Nothing. I could actually hear my heart breaking. It literally looked like this (not their house, just what it looked like):
I went home and loaded up a small couch that I had laying around, and a folding table, and some toilet paper and paper towels and dish rags and dish towels and soap and some other basic necessities. I spoke to my boss on the phone, telling her the situation. She said if I purchased them dinner she would reimburse me for that. I picked up a huge dinner from KFC and dropped off the furniture, the food, and the basics. Then I went home.
I mixed a drink. I got a call from my sister-in-law who had just been talking to my husband (her brother) about what I had been up to. She wanted to help, so I hopped back in my truck and drove to St. Paul, where we loaded up more stuff and I returned for a third time to the house in North Minne. This time I came inside and had a beer. Then I had another. Then I had a cocktail. Then it was midnight. Then it was some drunk sex with my husband and a slightly hung-over morning.
I am SOOOOOOO good at justifying things. I justified getting drunk and apologizing to the family for my lack of a blaccent as something that I needed to do so that they wouldn't see what I was doing as charity, which nobody likes, and to see it instead as a neighbor helping a neighbor. How do I prove this? By drinking with them. How kind of me.
Today, I have loaded up a bunch of clothing being donated to the family from where I work, and was given money to buy them a gift card to the local grocery store, so I will be seeing them again tonight.
Last night, when questioned about my faith by the family (who wanted to bring me with them to church) I claimed to be Jewish. Dirty little secret #1-Not Jewish. Although, if you add to that my complete and utter lack of ability to create and enforce boundaries with people I am trying to help... that could be dirty secret number 2. Oh, and I think the family thinks my husband beats me. I didn't suggest this, but I remember when I finally left last night they were saying how I was too scared of my husband and I believe I heard whisperings about abuse. I am not abused, but didn't have the proper frame of mind to try to explain anything to anyone. I'll clarify tonight. Maybe. But probably not drink. Boundaries.
BUT - before I go there, I have a second date scheduled with my panty man! I have never heard someone get so worked up over panties - the emails he sends me are borderline crazy, but I'm excited to get the extra cash, because it will help with my next dirty little secret.
Dirty little secret: His name: Hector. Why is he a dirty little secret? Well, since I am so busy this evening selling my panties, buying and dropping off a gift card and some other goods to my new favorite charity family, and finishing by helping my crazy middle-aged diabetic pot-head neighbor get a job by trying again to teach him how to use craigslist and email, I simply have no time. After I do those things, I need to pick up a little more cash and go home and do some laundry and pick up some crap that I have laying all over my house. I have to get ready for Hector. Hector is coming tomorrow morning at 7:00 to clean my house and do my dishes so that I don't have to. I am very excited to meet Hector and pay him off with soiled panties money. I am also very excited to take credit to my husband that I did it all through some type of magical osmosis. Because I am definitely not admitting to my spouse that I am paying someone to clean my house when we both know that not only am I fully capable, but I have the time and am simply choosing not to do it.
But since my father in law is coming this weekend, and I would rather get myself into random crazy trouble than clean, what are my options? I mean, what are they really?
So I think (since it would be weird to just sit there while Hector cleans my house for me) I might ask a friend to meet me for breakfast tomorrow morning. You know, so I don't have to actually witness someone doing my work for me, and I can pretend it just happened through that magical osmosis I was referring to earlier.
He even changes linens (hence, why I have to at least do some laundry).
Oh, it will be lovely to come home to a clean house tomorrow after work, having done none of it myself.
A high-school friend (former BFF) wants me to go to a drag show with her tomorrow night, so I'm clearly not going to have time to clean then, either. And since my father in law is allergic to dogs... I simply have no other option but to have someone do my dirty work for me.
Today at work is going to be great, I can't wait to browse the craigslist missed connections, adult gigs, and casual encounters. Just another day in the good life...
No comments:
Post a Comment